She flowed from the rolling waves of the clear blue sea like light floating on a still deep ocean. All glittering and golden, a vision of pure brilliance. Her radiant beams shattered the darkness within my heart, temporarily blinding me within my bleak despair.
It seemed an eternity that I lay curled up in the gloomy recess of my mind, while all around me shadows leapt, providing me with glimpses of the stark light of love, hope and Life. Yes Life, not the existence I had become accustomed to but the true meaning of what it is to be alive, to breath to feel, to see myself for who I truly was, a child of the Universe, a child of light, love and hope.
My tears threatened to drown me as I recalled all that I was and all that I had become, through the accumulation of sorrow and pain which I carried around me for so long. Continually adding to the burdens of my soul. Even at times wearing my failures and disappoints as a badge of honour for all to see and all to comment on, “oh poor child you seem so sad, your eyes tell a story of a life spent in chains, oh poor child you”.
Drowning in the salty water of my own grief I called out to the vision which had blinded me to my truth. I screamed out to the blackness obscuring my soul “I CHOOSE LIFE”. With these words a rift began to spread throughout the darkness, and with each unfathomable sobbing plea for forgiveness my eyes began to see again.
Recently I was diagnosed with Bi-polar 2 – personality disorder and depression. I do not carry this mental health diagnosis as a badge of “honour” but a reminder of how far I have travelled and learnt to appreciate this gift I call my life.
To everyone still huddled in the darkness, I pray that you too receive the gift of love and hope.
Claudia founder and writer for Cloudy days mental health forum January 25 2012. Copywriter all rights reserved.